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If William Burroughs Were Your Secretary

By Koss From Issue No. 7

If William Burroughs were your secretary

you would make him send you a monthly

report of his activities in order to keep

tabs on him. He would write back, “Many

things have happened since we last

communicated (communication is an

encoded script crammed in a glass bottle

blown ass-out of a gnarling pot-bellied

pop-eyed toad into a dried-up sea of confusion

and corruption). It shoots through the dead

air and splats unbroken into a mire where it

waits patiently and indifferently to be reamed

up the eager anus of a frantic bureaucratic

bungler (after which it is voided as an original

thought). End of report.” You would also

notice that the typewriters were disappearing,

and wouldn’t ask him to get your coffee because

you’d be afraid to drink it. Months would pass

and you would get behind in your work because

things that would typically take place in an

office, things that a secretary would normally do

like filing, Xeroxing and addressing envelopes

wouldn’t get done. You wouldn’t ask William

Burroughs to type your correspondence because

you would be too afraid. If William Burroughs

were your secretary, you would appreciate me.

About Koss More From Issue No. 7